I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize