is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
