I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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