my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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