Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
