This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
