I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
