so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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