Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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