just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
