Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
