she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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