Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
