i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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