I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
