I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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