; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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