there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
