Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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