im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
