how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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