How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
