operation have a gay friend backfired
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
