That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize