I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
