Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
