new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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