you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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