I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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