why didn't you poke me back
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
