I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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