it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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