Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
