"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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