i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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