Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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