My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She's the barista slut.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
