I'm so fucking centered right now
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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