rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
