I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
