Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
