Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
