hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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