Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
