grandma shit on top of the toilet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
