I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
