A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
