only if we run a train.
done.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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