capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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