yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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