eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
