I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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