I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
