In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
