dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
