I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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