I feel great
I just peed on a car
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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