Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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