No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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