Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
