The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
