even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
