He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
