apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
