How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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