Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
