the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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