looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
