When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
