its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
