This is not my ceiling
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
