did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
