well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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