I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
