We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
