well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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