i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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