I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
