I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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