WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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