I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
