Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
