Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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