would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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