He uses pillows to masturbate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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