she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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