WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
