Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
