I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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