I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
