He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i barfeds in our rink
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize