I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
