i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
