oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i think i just lost a toe
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
