I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
