This girl is more easily done than said...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
