the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
