During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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